The Whisper of Hidden Farewell

She walked slowly through the sidewalk. Enjoying the sun, the unusual crowd and her playlist throughout the headphone. Today was a very sunny day. Such a beautiful day.

Despite of the songs in her ears, she still could listen random musician played their instruments on side walk of the downtown. She smiled when she saw someone played his violin. She liked that melancholic instrument. She was so tempted to stop and watched until the violinist finish his piece. However, she had a place to go.

She glanced at her watch, well maybe she should increase her pace to reach her destination...or maybe not. She exhaled and cleared her mind and continue her steps.

She was so calm that day. It was so strange. Her breaths were as steady as her steps. She did not rush herself yet not slowed her pace down at the same time. She was just not in a rush nor delaying the inevitable. She was done exasperatingly catching up with time. She was too tired right now. Too drained to beg for time to be gentle. It was just a useless attempt anyway.

The almost empty bus station. She was finally arrived in her destination. She unplug her headphone, ready to be all smiley--she already promised to herself to do it properly. No more half truth. No more hidden facts. Honesty. A genuine reality. No more decorative details or other faux shiny ornaments. No tricks. No plan. She was there...baring herself. It was so scary yet brought a particular relief inside her. And yes, it was time to face her fear. Or maybe their fear... That was the least she could do.

There he was, also freshly arrived with his suitcases. It was so real yet unreal at the same time. She grinned when she looked at him. It felt like only yesterday she met him when she said her first hello. Yet today, they would have their proper goodbye.

The Power of Social Media

I was deactivating my Facebook for a month. Alas, I didn't have any conservative contact of several persons that I would like to meet. Hence, I hesitantly activated it now so I could conveniently contact them. I was so surprise with a lot of overwhelming news on my timeline. Started from graduation, wedding, engagement and every single thing you could imagine ever existed were on Facebook. And then, I realized I missed my friends' news just because I did not use Facebook.

I honestly did not know whether to laugh or cry because of that.

However, it also opened my eyes how social medias were now being a significant part of our life. It was the reminder of your friends' birthday. It was the easiest way to know how life's treating them. It was the shortest string to keep in touch with your significant others.

I could not believe I should activate my Facebook again just to contact my friends. It was also an alarming situation how I should have done better in reaching out through them and not using social media as the only communication tool. Right?

Or should we just give in and settle with the understanding of social media as the new 'conservative' communication instrument?

Technology and the art of using it...

Constant Banter

"Damn Heart, get a life! Will you?"

Asked Brain.

Things I Want to Remember (4)

Dear future PS,

Once you wrote this paragraph in your Personal Statement:

"I once read an inspirational book entitled “5cm” by an Indonesian author, Doni Dhirgantoro. This book had awakened my nationalism by narrating about loving Indonesia despite of its flaws and deficiencies because in this land, I was born and raised. I also survived because of this country’s soil, water and natural sources thus there are a lot to be grateful for. This enlightenment has stopped my judging attitude towards many injustice phenomenons that surrounded me and transformed it into problem solving nature instead." 

I wish you would always remember it during your transition phase and...most importantly, when you forgot your ultimate goal in life (just in case).

Sincerely,
Current PS

Changes

On my way home, I was thinking about the word 'changes'. It was triggered by a crazy overthinking (as usual) on my part. Despite of the-verge-of-tears-state everytime I let myself went deeper to memories that I would really like to erase, that word popped out in my head. I knew that I should have not replayed those bad memories, but maybe I secretly believed that I did not want to run from it either. I wanted to overcome those bad memories with the good ones but alas, human's brain was so tricky.

I found some psychology study about peak-end rule--in which people judges experience largely based on how they were at their peak and at their end, rather than based on the total sum or average of every moment of the experience. Sadly, it occurs regardless of whether the experience is pleasant or unpleasant. Other circumstances, beside the peak and the end, are not forgotten but are rather not being used by our naughty brain (Source: Wikipedia). Yeah, I know, I was that 'crazy', I started to ready psychology stuff and analyzed myself. Oh! And tried to figure a way out from this prolonged mess.

Lets going back to the word change. One day, in a very brief conversation with my friend, he brought up the subject of 'change'. When I said that everything was changing, he said that it was normal because change was the only constant in life. 

I got the meaning behind it, but I had never really thought about it. As you all have known, 'trouble' began when I started to think. I thought, overthinking was my distinctive talent. It was both gift and curse. A gift because when I overthought about something, usually my suspicion was correctly proven at the end. The curse was, that 'talent' was the reason why I could discover stuff and voila...those bad memories were made. Aha! Ok, lets go back to the talk of 'change', I had wasted enough time to torture my barely function heart.

When I started thought about change as the only constant, I imagined a conversation over two old friends. In one fine afternoon, there were two well-acquainted persons sat in a small cafe. The golden hours was shone over their table's big umbrella, they did not really notice the heath. Or maybe they just simply ignored it--the outdoor view was too beautiful to be missed. 

Despite of the hot weather, they both ordered two cups of hot coffee. They hated cold coffee because it ruined the fine taste of those source of caffeine beans. An Italian espresso for him and a light cappuccino for her. They moved from one topic to another, but the awkwardness was still in the air. The guy could feel it, so did the girl. Maybe they were just too afraid to talk about it, or maybe they chose to let time brought the familiarity into their conversation.

However, it was funny; once the familiarity between them was back...the tension was getting thicker, and their awkwardness suddenly became an interesting topic.

"It felt so weird, didn't you think?" The guy bravely pointed out their situation.

"What was weird?" She had learned that playing dumb was the best 'weapon' to delay things...or discover more.

"Us. We are just so awkward. It just felt so weird. I don't like it."

She sighed and looked at him in the eye. 

"You mean that we are changing? Well, I don't like it either. But lets see it in another way. Maybe it was a sign that we have grown so much since the last time we met or talked. For me, change equals growth. The problem is whether we choose to grow apart or grow closer or just grow by our own selves without affecting each other. The latter is most likely an 'in between' point or...maybe it does not even have any relation with the first two kind of growth." She shrugged, appeared to be not really care. She had gone too philosophical, hence she shut her mouth--did not want to bore him with her random thought.

He chuckled--decided to let that silly topic go. Some things were better left unsaid for they were just too inexplicable. 

They then continue their talk about their life again, and let the 'changes' hung between them. They were handed the answer back to the hand of time. At the end of the day, it would be the one that reveal which growth life put them into.

****

Someday, will I ever experience this kind of conversation?

Maybe it will be with my favorite cousin.

Or with my best friends from UK.

Or with my friends from high school.

Or with my friends from the law school both undergrad and master.

Or with him.

Abbi Glines

"Writing this second half of Grant and Harlow's story was a journey for me I didn't expect when I started. I've never cried so much while writing, editing, and rereading a book in my life..."

No wonder I cried alongside with her when I read her book. Life as a writer is a life that I always crave for. One day, after I have achieved my highest goal, I promised myself that I will build a beach house, live in there and have a very wide window where I can watch the golden hours everyday.

What will I do in that lovely home?

I will write for the rest of my life while taking a good care of my family. Oh and maybe be a guest lecturer in a law school sometimes. As simple as that. Nothing ambitious. Just living. Growing. Loving. And be happy while make others happy too...

Stunning Words

"What if there is nothing there?"

"What if there is everything?"

Forever a dreamer...

Faucet

My sister said that my heart was like a stone because I cannot cry easily.
She was wrong.

It would be correct if she added "in front of others' presence"
I cried when I needed to, sometime even when I needed not to.

But damn eyes. they were like a broken faucet sometime. Once they shed tears, there would not stop shortly.

Ah... maybe it was a reminder that naturally, human were not made to be a controller. Woe were us, because we could not even control our own body. Our emotion. Our feeling. Hence, ones could never claim to be the master of themselves.

What You Are Not What You Have

"The older you get, the more you realize that it isn't about

the material things, or pride or ego.

It's about our hearts and who they beat for..."

                                                          R.A.

Or interest.
Because it is love not politic nor utility.

Things I Want to Remember (3)

My dear Senorita.

I wanted to remember the last but not least morning coffee that we had. It was several hours before my departure and  I had the chance to enjoy the last cup of my favorite coffee: Creme Caramel. It was a rare occasion where I ordered my coffee along with delicious toasty bread with Nutella. She got a cup of hot tea and bread too.

The way she arranged her tea pot and put the jam on her toast--everything was perfectly in sync and in order because she was a perfectionist.

We talked and talked and talked but neither of us talked about goodbye.

We agreed that the concept of goodbye did not apply to us. It was true...


I missed her though. Really missed her.

He Wrote About Her

She walked through the night. She wanted to run real fast but she could not do that, she got her drunk friend in her arms. She held her really tight--ignoring the numb feeling in her heart. In the middle of the road, she hailed a cab--could no longer support her. She was really focused on her mission to get her best friend home.

Once they arrived in her best friend's house, she let her best friend emptied her stomach from the seven tequila shots in the bathroom. Patiently, she held her hair, and let her calmed her demanding stomach. After her best friend finished her fiesta in the toilet bowl, she prepared a chair near the sink. She wanted to washed her best friend's beautiful hair--did not want her hair tainted and got dirty by her own vomit.

She took care of her... fulfilling the need to take care of someone else so she could just ignore her own needs and pain. It was better this way--nursing someone so you forgot your own fresh wounds.

****

Somewhere, in a place where nobody knew where it was. He sat in His beautiful table. His right hand was now writing about her. He grimaced when He wrote about her day because on that day, He deemed that she deserved the truth. The truth that broke her heart severely. He knew it would hurt her so much, even the scar might remain for weeks, months, even years?

Nevertheless, He did it anyway.

Her story was already planned to go into 'that' direction.

He kept writing. He had not finished yet...not even close.

****

She walked through the airport, ready to leave everything behind. Yes, as dramatic as it sounded, the perfect term was 'everything'. She chuckled bitterly to herself. Once her friend told her to put her memories into several jars so when one was not working, she would not lose everything. Yet, her heart was too stubborn and her faith in him was blinding her sense.

As the result, here she was, walking slowly to her gate, greedily embracing the familiar atmosphere. Reminiscing like a moron. Hurting herself like a lunatic. Torturing her pride like a dummy.

Several months ago they were there. Several weeks ago he was there and in several days, he would be there again. And now, there she was, ready to leave.

One said that airport was the most emotionally terrifying place. It was the place of a proper hello and a proper goodbye. It was like a bank of affection and hatred. While in her case, she did not posses neither. All she had were the unclassified memories.

She knew somehow and someday she would come back to this airport again. Maybe there would be changes here and there. Maybe everything would be different--no, everything would certainly be different. When that time was coming, she was sure that she would soaked up all the memories in that airport with a dreamy smile, or even had the audacity to laugh at her old self--her current self.

But not today...

She could not bring herself to think about her situation that way.

When she arrived in the crowded gate, she glanced at her silent phone for hundred times that day. Her mom had been bombarded her with messages and calls--so did all her dear friends. But nothing came for him.

Several minutes before they announced her boarding, she called her provider to cut all her phone's service.

"Do you want me to deactivate it permanently, Ma'am?"

"Yes, please..."

And there. She did herself a favor--she freed herself from the torturing wait. She stood up, turned her phone off and entered the aircraft. When she was in the safety of her seat, she prayed that letting their story go would be as easy as crossing the gate's threshold. Secretly hopping that the threshold would restrain and bury the unclassified memories away. Separating and saving her from that familiar place.

A place where everything began sweetly and ended bitterly. Or so she thought...

****

He watched her. He let her processing all the pain He allowed her to feel. He wanted to feel the remorse inside but He knew better.

He knew way better than that.
He just wished she were strong enough to bear it longer, and survive.

Yes, He needed her to survive...

****

"Forget me!" She whispered sternly. Even the taste of her words were bitter in her tongue.
"No, I will never forget you..."

She was startled awake. The lights were dim inside the plane. She sighed... hating her usual nightmare and the fierce turbulence. She read in the screen that it was three hours away from home. Reluctantly, she raised from her couch. The plane was almost empty, she loved it. After 13 hours plane ride with a packed aircraft--where she had to cry silently and hid from all prying curious eyes--it was indeed a nice change. Slowly, she opened the window, watching the scarily empty pitch black sky.

She exhaled over and over again. Hopping the idea of going home would fulfill her emptiness.

She watched the dark sky--did not even realize what she caught and missed. She stared and stared and being less and less concern over the bad turbulence. Her eyes widened when she realized that she did not even fear the death at that moment. Maybe the pain was so bad, she just wanted it to go away. Not that she wanted to die, she just wanted it to stop effectively, immediately.

However, eventually she realized what she truly felt at the moment... it was nothing. She bowed her head, so the numb was back. She could not feel...again. It was like that day--the day of revelation.

She closed her eyes tightly and whispered desperately.

"God, how could I get here?"

****

He watched her.

It pained Him. It pained Him so much to see her that way. He really hoped she could see beyond all this mess. Yes, she had learned her lessons but He still waited for her to really fathom them. So, she would discover what His reasons really were one day.

There were days when He saw her smiled and laughed around her family and friends but He knew better. He smiled secretly, knowing that she would be fine at the end nonetheless. She was able because He already measured everything according to her capability. Deep down, He also knew that she needed this process. Everytime He saw how His plan seem to hurt her so bad, He kept reminding Himself that it was for her own good. He already planed everything perfectly... He even knew her heart better than herself.

However, there was one day where she was curled into a fetal position--mourning silently and quietly. She always referred her heart as a glass box. In the old days, she always believed that when someone broke her glass box, she would be the one who crawl and fix it, while He helped her through that painful process. In her head, He would put the bandage around her wounded hands. But she was always be the only fighter who fixed her broken glass box by herself, and He was the one who fueled her power and will.

But now... in her head, He could see how she pictured herself lying down near her shattered glass box. Her bloody hands were lifeless, and she just stared into space. Waiting for Him to strive for her... because she had no strength to struggle anymore. It felt like she was now handing over everything to Him. She surrendered because she did not have any energy left.

It was day like that when He wanted to take over her battlefield, but then it meant that He would fail Himself. He would ruin her greatest story. He would take away her chance to learn and grow, and it would be unfair for her.

He just loved her too much.

So, oh softly like a wind, He whispered to her, "We will process it together... I will always be there along the way."

He could see how she stopped sobbing for several seconds...and then sobbing harder. But this time He smiled, because He knew she was starting to get Him.

He would let her discover His plan layer by layer until she could fathom that He meant no harm. Until she understood that she was part of the bigger purpose. A purpose that He would reveal to her in His time.

****

The Happiest Day

I wrote this piece on November 2011. It was a long time ago. I originally wrote it in Bahasa but today, I felt like translate it to English. Ah, David Foster and his inspiring song...

---

I’ll be waiting for you here inside my heart

I’m the one who wants to love you more

You will see I can give you everything you need

Let me be the one to love you more…

                        To Love You More, David Foster

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I wore a very pretty white dress, it was cut neatly and beautifully. There was a small lavender purple bow around my waist, it was surely complimenting the dress. I put a minimalist make up on my face simply because I was not the spotlight tonight.

Slowly, I lifted up my chin and look straightly into the mirror and then I smiled. I was practicing my smile today, yeah, a practice for the big day. Today was a happy day. Of course, you ought to put a full display happy smile on happy days. Right? It happened to me today, and obviously I wanted to smile happily.

I stole a glance outside the curtain in my room. The weather was a little cloudy. I thought it would be raining soon. Well, I hoped it would not because it would ruin the pretty decoration on the backyard. It was so magical and ready to welcome the guests.

The atmosphere was so sacred, I nervously thought about that. Well, maybe I should take a walk and a tour around this big Victorian house. I sighed and wore my white strap heels. 

As soon as I was outside of the safe cocoon of my room, I ventured a long and carpeted hallway. It occurred to me that this house gave me a strange feeling. An indefinite one. Nevertheless, in my heart, I knew that I would never forget about this place forever.

“Charsa?” His voice stopped me on my track.

I turned around and there he was. He wore a white tux that showed off his firm body perfectly. His face was clean from any facial hair. it was funny since he hated shaving so much. But today he shaved anyway. How could he not? Today was an exception. It was impossible for him to present himself less than that.

“Why didn’t you wear your tie?” I asked him—throw a menacing look on his incomplete outfit.

“Well, that’s exactly my problem. You know that I don’t know how to wear ties.” He said sheepishly.

I laughed and approached him.

“Would you please help me?” He asked while entering his room and giving me a gesture to follow him.

His room was really wide with gray and white wall. I could smell his familiar perfume combined with his natural masculine scent. His king size bed was covered by a lot of stuff. I realized that even when we only stayed in this house temporarily, it would not able to cover up his true nature. His room always messy just like the one in his apartment. Now, I just hoped that his characters will never be washed away, even after this day had passed away.

“Where is the tie?” I asked him, confused.

Like always, he could read my confusion. He smile shyly, red handed on his messy nature. He walked through his closet and took the hung white tie. He gave the tie and I put them on, around his neck.

I tidied it up, tried to find the ideal position. I could feel his stare while I busied myself with his tie.

“So, do you think that I make a mistake today?” He asked me suddenly,

I was taken aback by his question. I stared at his dark brown eyes—silently demanded him to elaborate his point.

“In your opinion, did I do the right thing? What if today was a big mistake? What if my feeling for her was only a temporary one?”

I smiled and continued to put his tie on.

“Why do you think like that?” I asked him, more relax.

“Umm... I don’t know.” He answered softly.

I sighed after I have made his tie nicely, and brought my attention back to his now frowning face. He looked so lost...

“Do you love her?” I asked him.

“Yes...” He answered immediately.

“Does she love you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I felt that love is not enough somehow.”

I dragged myself away from him and stared through the wide window. From that window I could see the hustle and bustle outside. My brain was scattered all over the places, looking for the right and wise answer for his question.

“No one ever deemed that love is enough, but deep down I always believe that it was a strong foundation nonetheless. I think there was nothing fulfilling in this world. Time will always demand every single thing to improve and expand themselves, including our life and our feeling. 

However, even the highest and strongest skyscraper needs foundation. Expansion and improvement will be in vain without a firm foundation. That is why I believe that somehow love is enough to begin with. And today is only the beginning...”

We both stared at each other for I did not know how long, until I launched another question for him.

“How could you be here today? Do you have any reason why are you here now?”

“Well, I'm because I love her. I believe this feeling has to be validated by doing the right thing. I am sure that me being here is part of the legitimization,” he answered me. I could feel him behind me, not so far away. I always could feel him.

“Sometimes we have to be able to distinguish between love and desire of ownership. Love is enough while ownership tendency always demands for more.” I laughed bitterly. “At first, you said to yourself that you want to own her heart. And then the feeling was expanding with the desire to claim her as your girlfriend, fiancee, and wife. It would not stop there because after that you wanted to have children together and so on and so forth until death tore you both apart. Love is simple but on the contrary, ownership always demands more and more. You will never get enough. We should be able to distinguish them.”

I turned and facing him, his face looked so devastated. I felt a pang of guilt for I felt responsible that he was now feeling less than happy. Hey, today was a happy day! I even spent a lot of time in front of the mirror practicing my best smile for this day. I even would love to be seen happy today. I did not want to be left out. No.

Especially him. He had to be happy today! It was a must.

I approached him and held his face in my palms tenderly.

“You will be fine...” I said sincerely.

“How do you know?” He asked me—desperately need a true answer.

“Because I know that this decision will make you happy.”

“How can you be so sure?”

I let go of his face and answered him, “Because my heart says so...”

He stared at me, I could see the huge epiphany dawned to his face. He smiled and pulled me into his warm embrace. His warm enveloped me tightly. I closed my eyes, tried to give all my strength and positive energy to him.

He let go of me and said, “Let’s do this!”

And with that, he walked through the door without a second glance. Leaving me standing and watching his back while smiling.

When his door was closed and he disappeared from my sight, I allowed my tears to flow freely. It had been a long time since I prevented it and forced myself to erase the loss in my heart. But today, I after I watched his back disappeared from my sight... I realized that the elegy was there.

Not long time after that, I could hear Canon in D vaguely from the small orchestra downstairs. I ran fast to the window and peeked through the thin white curtain. I could see that he stood before the altar—a glass altar decorated with white and purple bow. That altar was the destination of the red carpet. A wise and commanding reverent was standing behind the altar and smiled encouragingly. He was ready to present the sacred ceremony.

I watched a woman with a long white dress walked down the aisle. Her face was covered by a white lace veil. There was a bucket of pink roses in his hand. The beautiful orchestra escorted her steps... one by one to be with him. Behind her was her bridesmaid. Once she was in the altar, he took her hands and smiled down at her lovingly.

“Love? My love for you was enough and I was the one who decide to love you more. I should be here to make sure that today is happening. Your happy day should be commenced no matter what...”

Slowly, I wiped my tears away and turned around. I soaked up the sight of his room, trying to memorize his scent before I gave up and walked back to my room. Once I entered my room, I was suffocated by the feeling of being alienated. And this house... was the vessel of my alienation.

Maybe because there was no place left for me in this house anymore.

Suddenly a realization hit me. I should be there! I should watched his happiness. I should not watch his happiness from afar. It was wrong! I should be the witness of his glee. And maybe... I could be a part of it. If I did really love him, I ought to be happy with him.

I flee out of my room—running to the backyard. Once I was there, I saw that everyone watched them exchanging the holy wedding vow sweetly. He said his vow whole lovingly stared at that woman.

I sat myself in the white wood chair in the back, near the aisle without taking my eyes off him. I memorized his happy and loving face carefully. Every details... I forced my brain to remember it.

“I now pronounce you as husband and wife...”

He kissed that woman... and I watched him. I watched his happiness.

Hand in hand they walked down the aisle. He was now a husband with his wife in his arms. Their steps were accompanied by the lovely music from the orchestra and glorious applause and whistles from the guests.

He was happy. Yes, he was happy.

I stood there, saw him got closer to me. I smiled when he was standing before me.

“Thank you for being the constant in my life, Charsa...” He said while squeezing my hand for several seconds before looking at his wife tenderly.

This was enough.

I watched his leaving once more, he radiated the happiness gesture—made me wanted to hold myself with glee.

Yes, this was enough.

Finally, I left the backyard and came back to the strange house. There were waiters and waitress alongside with the event organizer insider—busy to prepare the reception. I slowly blended with them and went straight to the stairs. Aimed for my room—one of those doors in the lonely hallway.

I could feel there was a strange feeling crept upon my heart. That feeling was so different with the feeling that I felt when I put his tie on.

I could feel that my heart was no longer empty, I was happy in my own way. I could be happy because I loved him sincerely and without any doubt and arrogance.

I entered my room, the second door on the left. I wore my leather jacket and took my packed brown luggage. I was ready to leave now because my duty to ensure his happiness was done.

Before I went out of the room, I caught my reflection in the mirror. For the first time since the invitation arrived at my flat, I finally smiled happily...sincerely.

It turned out my endless practice for this happy day—well, his happy day—was useless because I was now understand that only his happiness could make my happiness bloom.

Finally... we both were happy, even with a whole different reason.

I closed the door and walked away. Leaving him with his happiness while holding my happiness tightly in my hands...

~FIN~

College Sweetheart

A college sweetheart.

Without the sweetness.
Without the heart.
There was still glimmering sparks of the past around.
It was warm yet awkward.

But we smiled at each other anyway.
Talked like old friends that we were.

It was great to meet familiar faces!
To witness that we already have a life after 'us' and were happy with it.

A Talk About Friendship

Let's talk about friendship!

Friendship was one thing that I valued for life. In this life, so far, I found a lot of angels in my path. I cherished them with my life. Knowing them for years or even months were an honor and a pleasant experience and memory.

Today I would like to think about the number six for six years. Our six years of friendship was something that saved me so many times. Through the bad and the good, our bond was saving me.

They were the reason I went home willingly because I knew I would meet them again. People who knew me completely... who have been through a lot with me.

We introduced ourselves to each other with our own unique way.

I knew her from the very beginning--when we both stepped to our campus in those first days. Since day one, we have been good for each other. She was like my mirror. The middle born with two sisters. The fighter. We fell in love and broke our heart almost at the same time. We liked to document our stories. We understood each other, sometimes words were not needed. We were just so similar yet still differently unique. It was... astonishing.

Once upon a time we fought and did not talk for one month...but finally, we knew that we could not live without each other. Eventually, we made up. Forgetting about the anger and disappointment for we knew our friendship was way stronger than that.

--

I knew her from that boring class. We sat next to each other and crazily made fun of our boring lecturer, while took our notes diligently. I did not know how we managed it, but we survived the class. We became inseparable ever since. It was like I met my match. She drove me crazy. She was weird, and we were weirdos. She was my shopping partner. We could be a bunch of hedonists yet we could control each other's craziness. Well, mostly I was the one who was in control because she was just so impulsive.

One day we misunderstood each other. We parted way for I did not know how long until we both realized that it was a stupid misunderstanding. I did not know how it was end but I did know that our friendship was so real; there was no way we kept ourselves from preserving the bond.

--

I knew him also from the start. Funnily, we formed our bond through Yahoo Messenger. Yes, we were that old. It was crazy that we talked very little on our first months of classes, but then became really closed through chit chat during the  holiday. And when we met again after the holiday, our friendship became real.

He was the wise one. He was the older brother I never had. He was my guardian. He was my adviser. He was always watching me and taking a very good care of me. He did not need words to express how he care for me. He was always there for me and her--and I knew, whatever situation or even decision( both good and bad) that I take, he would always be there to support me. For me, he was no longer my friend... he was my brother.

--

They were my rocks.
They were my real.
They were one of the best decisions that I made in my life.
They were my shoulder to cry on.

They were the 'time' and 'tape' who fix my broken heart.
They were the constant.
They were also my favorite mistakes.
They were my wings and grounds.

Yes, six years and still counting...