Monday, October 15, 2012

Her Deep Failure


I did not even have any chance to say goodbye.
I did not even have a chance to see his last smile.
I did not even have a time to kiss him goodbye.
I did not even have any chance to say that i do really care and love him deeply.
I did not even have any time to make him proud.

Pictures of little granddaughters.
Pictures of me from social network.

Above all...
Pictures of her...
Her once IV from four years ago...
You never forget about her. You have been waiting to be with her for four years...

How could we be so blind?

I did not know all of those old facts...
Failed.
Tears not enough to repair that failure.

My Grumpy Yet Lovely Old Man


Well, he is always waking up when the sun rise and shine without any hesitate in every morning
He was a Captain of one big ship once
He is a Captain in this family. A captain without any co-captain.
Apparently his wing woman had flown away with her wings to heaving.
Left him with his broken wings.
But he is so strong. He do not take pity. He hates pity.
His pride is incredible. Unbearable. But it is amazing...
He never loses his glory.
He is feared by people. He is loved by his family.
He does have a broken wing. No, not broken, but only one wing left in his strong back side.
He never complains about that. He might make some mistake but he never meant any harm.

He is loved but it is not enough to fill any emptiness in his heart.
Loneliness is his identity. Loner is the person he becomes.
But he never really alone...
Maybe we just give him space that he needed.
Maybe we just not being slapped enough by his fragile presence.
Maybe we just too proud, yes, our ego is much bigger than his. But he was a captain, we’re just a child. We have no right to boast aroung and spill bullshit. Yes, we have no right...
Maybe we just love him in our unique way, do we?

Unique way?
I thought the line is truly defensive.
He had built his wall once, now he is to afraid to break our wall. Have we done something to brick his wall? Are we still shielded by our own wall untill now?
Is it his fault?
Is it our fault?
Is it my fault...

Dear God, please let him be okay...
Let my old man be okay...
Let us prove that we do make effort to break his once thick wall...