Smiles

I knew her from the very beginning of my law school life. She was one of my first friends in Ann Arbor. We always said that to each other because it was true... we met before we met everyone else.

And the day before I left, I met her again for a ‘tea and cheese cake’ time. I thought it was becoming our thing—tea and cheese cake. A thing that (sadly) we formed together merely before the end of the program. But I would not blame myself, or even the situation, for everything happened for a reason.

However, there was something different on our last (but not least) tea and cheese cake routine. I felt like we both finally destroyed the barriers and reservations that we had. I could talk how awful it felt to leave Ann Arbor—something that I could not articulate verbally to anyone else. She let me said everything that I wanted to say. Usually, I said everything to him... but that day, it was her. I did not say that she was his substitute, but then I felt that I found solace through her presence.

It was something that I admired from her though, she never judged... She never did. I guess, that was also why she loved NYC because there was no judgmental mind in NYC. Just like what she said, if I may quote it, “you can dress or act whatever you want and no one would judge you: no one would stare at you, nor talk about you behind your back, and no one would point out their figure over every eccentric behavior.”

It was a fascinating reason.

Although I hated NYC, but it was always hold a special place in my heart--I couldn't lie about it. It was like a love-hate relationship—when you hated it but you were also addicted to it at the same time. Ah, NYC... you crazy NYC!

After the great talk over a cup of tea and some bites of sweet cheese cake—we went to the place where we first met: the Law Quad.

I thought it was the perfect place to have a proper ‘I’ll see you soon’ with her.

When it was time, she said something that moved me deeply...

“Keep smiling! You have a very cheerful and beautiful smile. Whenever I met you, even during the stressful time, you’re smiling at me and it somehow has a way to cheer me up. Please don’t stop...”

“I did not realize about that because this semester was really tough for me...”

“Then you were that strong! Even when you’ve been through tough time, you’re still able to smile like that!”

And then... I cried in her arms.

It felt like a realization; when both what you have done and what you have worked on for were not taken for granted. It was so splendid to discover that an effort that you thought you were doing for yourself also had a good impact on others.

You might be in pain, but when you chose to be happy anyway, you also touched others with your happiness. Because apparently, that happiness that I chose at that time was for real. The pain was also real, but if I did not give any power to that feeling--it, hence, had no power to hurt me.

As simple as that.