Tribute to Jakarta Blast

If fear is what you want, we will not give it to you!

#KamiTidakTakut

About Writing

Writing is the sweetest escape where you can play as god in your story and spill your deepest emotion that simply cannot be expressed in any verbal way. Writing is both my addiction and therapy...

Literally a Woman

Dear Women,

Stop playing victim to get what you want!
Stop with the water works to bring them to their knees!
Stop back-stabbing to bring others down!
Stop just stop being so insecure... because no one above will happen if you get over your insecurity!

Lets learn together.
I am not perfect myself, but I am so tired of this crazy attitude. Especially, if you are doing it for a man.

Gosh!
You worth more than that!

Stop convincing others about your value! If they cannot see it then it is for the best if they're not in your life.
Stop playing dumb to get attention and sympathy! Really? Begging for others' attention. Gosh! You want to be a star? Then work for the spotlight yourself.
Stop offering your body to get love. Love lust love lust. Yes, both are similar L-word however, one will make you feel like a queen, the other will make you feel like trash.
Stop polishing your physic while damaging your inner-self. At the end of the day, beauty is only skin deep. Once you are old and wrinkle, your personality is the one that will preserve your real inner- beauty.

Heavenly... When the fairest also play fair.
The weak is not always the victim.
The strong is not always the perpetrator.
May you and I forever fight our battle fairly...

You are better than being a victim.
You are better than those fake tears.
You are better than that 'slut' label.
You are better than a bitchy queen bee.
You are better than a social climber.
You are better than an attention seeker.

Whatever it is in your head, snap it out!
Get over it! Quit the easy way!
Stop being a drama queen! Start being a tough fighter!
You are way way way more precious than that...and you know it.

Sincerely,
One-Still-Learning-Woman

To Be A Validated Game Changer

Today was the first time I walked through my neighborhood. Usually, I did my cardio work out near the beach or in the jogging track, but today I pushed myself to just walked around my neighborhood. It was really interesting. There were several notes that I took during this unique 'me time.'

First, there was no enough pavement.

Walking was a very rare thing to do here. Most people preferred to ride their motorcycle or car, instead of walking. But lets not kid ourselves and see point one again.

Next, they were staring. Yes, it was an old song about Indonesian culture. People stare. I did not precisely know whether they judged me or just simply...stared. Yet, I could say that it was abnormally normal. That was why, I put earplug on. Sometime I did not want to know what they thought about me when they rudely said it out loud.

However...

I loved the familiarity.

The simplicity of children playing football on the street. Yes, this country needed to open more playground. 

The friendliness between neighbors. Housewives in a common neighborhood tended to go outside in the afternoon, just to gather and talk. Well, one could not avoid the talk of gossip, but then again it was so fascinating. During my stay in America, I did not see that kind of 'gathering'. I thought it was an Asian thing. 

I walked for one hour or so. Soaked up all the familiarity. Today, I took a good distance from my usual habit and saw closer to where I came from.

Then I realized, if I wanted to be one of those dreamers who wanted to change this country, I should first take a closer look to 'what really happen' around me. Tried to put on Indonesian people's shoes, so we will be able to really know what they need truly. Not from the media, not from others...but from my own eyes and experiences.

Indonesia is a complicated country. I could not say it otherwise because there was not point to deny it either. Nothing could be done overnight because every single infrastructure is connected with each other. Sometime when you want to fix A, you should also think about B, C. and even D factors. And when yo want to develop E further, you should also consider F, G, H and so on and so forth. It is difficult but not impossible.

One by one.

Layer by layer.

Expertise by expertise.

However, one thing that we need for sure: a good cooperation between institutions--nope, even with between individuals.

I read an article about Indonesia as The Sleeping Giant in Asia. I discussed this article with my Dad. He said something that made me think a bit harder than usual, "I think there is a great external influence that determinedly restrain our country's growth. Because we have everything in this country!"

We have huge amount of human resources.

We posses ridiculously rich natural resources.

We are located in the most strategic location.

We have (almost) the best kind of weather. (Well, after experiencing -30 degree of winter and huge amount of snow, one should not complain for having sunny days almost everyday)

We are beautiful... Yes, our Indonesia is more than beautiful. Those natural beaches. Those captivating mountains. Those pretty hills. Those forests. Various species of plants and animals. Those rivers. Those caves. Those cultures; Gosh! We are the true combination of over thirty cultures with different languages, tradition clothes and foods. Most off all, we are a solid unification of characters and beliefs. Yet, we are still proudly call ourselves as one...Indonesian.

It is a beautiful country that needs beautiful touches from her people.

Maybe I do not know a thing about how to practically fix this country now. But I will figure it out. And I know that I am not the only one. There are a lot of people out there who are getting tired of waiting. They are (including me) restlessly burning to make a change.

People who are being let down by this country but not flee out of it and judge from afar. People who are being laughed at because others think that they are too naive and too idealist--but hell, it's better to try rather than grumpily waiting and whining. Right?

I know... it's hard to be the game-changer. We are living in a very artificial world. We need to make our name known first so 'they' will hear our voices. In order to get there, we need to go on a long process.

We cannot go directly, it is too dangerous. Breaking the system when you are a 'new inexperience player' is not an option. We need to be an experienced player outside the system first before getting inside and tear the corrupted one into pieces. We need to be patient if we want to effectively fixing the missing jigsaws. 

Nevertheless, I hope that process will not change us...right? Well, as I said, be patient. See the greater goal. It's better to try and fail rather than not trying at all.

And yes, we just haven't met each other yet.

One day!

To those people, I sincerely saying...

"I'll see you on top Indonesian Game-Changers!"

For Those Who are Wondering Silently

"My core ideals and principles do not change, my respect to other's perspective, choice, ideal, and principle does... It is increasing concomitantly with my mind expanding process. See the world as you want, just do not force your 'observation' on others. That's not the legitimate rules."

I wrote this post in response to those negative comments my good friend received due to her decision to undergo a plastic surgery. Honestly, in the beginning I was confuse and concern about her decision because she was already beautiful inside and out. However, I knew she got reasons and considerations of her own. 

Funnily, at the end of the day I realized that it was not about physical beauty. It was not even about the plastic surgery, it was about understanding yourself more and bravely acting based on your own belief--whatever the consequences were. I respected that because it made her happy. It made her glow. 

Easy with that judgmental mind, people. You never know when the situation might be reversed and you are the one being the scrutinized object. Yes, object. And you know why I label it as 'object'; because no one deserves to be judged, unless you sit in front of judges in the court.

So, if you are not a judge... then, no rights are granted to be judgmental.

"May the bridges I burn light the way..."

The Power of Social Media

I was deactivating my Facebook for a month. Alas, I didn't have any conservative contact of several persons that I would like to meet. Hence, I hesitantly activated it now so I could conveniently contact them. I was so surprise with a lot of overwhelming news on my timeline. Started from graduation, wedding, engagement and every single thing you could imagine ever existed were on Facebook. And then, I realized I missed my friends' news just because I did not use Facebook.

I honestly did not know whether to laugh or cry because of that.

However, it also opened my eyes how social medias were now being a significant part of our life. It was the reminder of your friends' birthday. It was the easiest way to know how life's treating them. It was the shortest string to keep in touch with your significant others.

I could not believe I should activate my Facebook again just to contact my friends. It was also an alarming situation how I should have done better in reaching out through them and not using social media as the only communication tool. Right?

Or should we just give in and settle with the understanding of social media as the new 'conservative' communication instrument?

Technology and the art of using it...

Things I Want to Remember (4)

Dear future PS,

Once you wrote this paragraph in your Personal Statement:

"I once read an inspirational book entitled “5cm” by an Indonesian author, Doni Dhirgantoro. This book had awakened my nationalism by narrating about loving Indonesia despite of its flaws and deficiencies because in this land, I was born and raised. I also survived because of this country’s soil, water and natural sources thus there are a lot to be grateful for. This enlightenment has stopped my judging attitude towards many injustice phenomenons that surrounded me and transformed it into problem solving nature instead." 

I wish you would always remember it during your transition phase and...most importantly, when you forgot your ultimate goal in life (just in case).

Sincerely,
Current PS

Changes

On my way home, I was thinking about the word 'changes'. It was triggered by a crazy overthinking (as usual) on my part. Despite of the-verge-of-tears-state everytime I let myself went deeper to memories that I would really like to erase, that word popped out in my head. I knew that I should have not replayed those bad memories, but maybe I secretly believed that I did not want to run from it either. I wanted to overcome those bad memories with the good ones but alas, human's brain was so tricky.

I found some psychology study about peak-end rule--in which people judges experience largely based on how they were at their peak and at their end, rather than based on the total sum or average of every moment of the experience. Sadly, it occurs regardless of whether the experience is pleasant or unpleasant. Other circumstances, beside the peak and the end, are not forgotten but are rather not being used by our naughty brain (Source: Wikipedia). Yeah, I know, I was that 'crazy', I started to ready psychology stuff and analyzed myself. Oh! And tried to figure a way out from this prolonged mess.

Lets going back to the word change. One day, in a very brief conversation with my friend, he brought up the subject of 'change'. When I said that everything was changing, he said that it was normal because change was the only constant in life. 

I got the meaning behind it, but I had never really thought about it. As you all have known, 'trouble' began when I started to think. I thought, overthinking was my distinctive talent. It was both gift and curse. A gift because when I overthought about something, usually my suspicion was correctly proven at the end. The curse was, that 'talent' was the reason why I could discover stuff and voila...those bad memories were made. Aha! Ok, lets go back to the talk of 'change', I had wasted enough time to torture my barely function heart.

When I started thought about change as the only constant, I imagined a conversation over two old friends. In one fine afternoon, there were two well-acquainted persons sat in a small cafe. The golden hours was shone over their table's big umbrella, they did not really notice the heath. Or maybe they just simply ignored it--the outdoor view was too beautiful to be missed. 

Despite of the hot weather, they both ordered two cups of hot coffee. They hated cold coffee because it ruined the fine taste of those source of caffeine beans. An Italian espresso for him and a light cappuccino for her. They moved from one topic to another, but the awkwardness was still in the air. The guy could feel it, so did the girl. Maybe they were just too afraid to talk about it, or maybe they chose to let time brought the familiarity into their conversation.

However, it was funny; once the familiarity between them was back...the tension was getting thicker, and their awkwardness suddenly became an interesting topic.

"It felt so weird, didn't you think?" The guy bravely pointed out their situation.

"What was weird?" She had learned that playing dumb was the best 'weapon' to delay things...or discover more.

"Us. We are just so awkward. It just felt so weird. I don't like it."

She sighed and looked at him in the eye. 

"You mean that we are changing? Well, I don't like it either. But lets see it in another way. Maybe it was a sign that we have grown so much since the last time we met or talked. For me, change equals growth. The problem is whether we choose to grow apart or grow closer or just grow by our own selves without affecting each other. The latter is most likely an 'in between' point or...maybe it does not even have any relation with the first two kind of growth." She shrugged, appeared to be not really care. She had gone too philosophical, hence she shut her mouth--did not want to bore him with her random thought.

He chuckled--decided to let that silly topic go. Some things were better left unsaid for they were just too inexplicable. 

They then continue their talk about their life again, and let the 'changes' hung between them. They were handed the answer back to the hand of time. At the end of the day, it would be the one that reveal which growth life put them into.

****

Someday, will I ever experience this kind of conversation?

Maybe it will be with my favorite cousin.

Or with my best friends from UK.

Or with my friends from high school.

Or with my friends from the law school both undergrad and master.

Or with him.

Abbi Glines

"Writing this second half of Grant and Harlow's story was a journey for me I didn't expect when I started. I've never cried so much while writing, editing, and rereading a book in my life..."

No wonder I cried alongside with her when I read her book. Life as a writer is a life that I always crave for. One day, after I have achieved my highest goal, I promised myself that I will build a beach house, live in there and have a very wide window where I can watch the golden hours everyday.

What will I do in that lovely home?

I will write for the rest of my life while taking a good care of my family. Oh and maybe be a guest lecturer in a law school sometimes. As simple as that. Nothing ambitious. Just living. Growing. Loving. And be happy while make others happy too...

Faucet

My sister said that my heart was like a stone because I cannot cry easily.
She was wrong.

It would be correct if she added "in front of others' presence"
I cried when I needed to, sometime even when I needed not to.

But damn eyes. they were like a broken faucet sometime. Once they shed tears, there would not stop shortly.

Ah... maybe it was a reminder that naturally, human were not made to be a controller. Woe were us, because we could not even control our own body. Our emotion. Our feeling. Hence, ones could never claim to be the master of themselves.

Things I Want to Remember (3)

My dear Senorita.

I wanted to remember the last but not least morning coffee that we had. It was several hours before my departure and  I had the chance to enjoy the last cup of my favorite coffee: Creme Caramel. It was a rare occasion where I ordered my coffee along with delicious toasty bread with Nutella. She got a cup of hot tea and bread too.

The way she arranged her tea pot and put the jam on her toast--everything was perfectly in sync and in order because she was a perfectionist.

We talked and talked and talked but neither of us talked about goodbye.

We agreed that the concept of goodbye did not apply to us. It was true...


I missed her though. Really missed her.

A Talk About Friendship

Let's talk about friendship!

Friendship was one thing that I valued for life. In this life, so far, I found a lot of angels in my path. I cherished them with my life. Knowing them for years or even months were an honor and a pleasant experience and memory.

Today I would like to think about the number six for six years. Our six years of friendship was something that saved me so many times. Through the bad and the good, our bond was saving me.

They were the reason I went home willingly because I knew I would meet them again. People who knew me completely... who have been through a lot with me.

We introduced ourselves to each other with our own unique way.

I knew her from the very beginning--when we both stepped to our campus in those first days. Since day one, we have been good for each other. She was like my mirror. The middle born with two sisters. The fighter. We fell in love and broke our heart almost at the same time. We liked to document our stories. We understood each other, sometimes words were not needed. We were just so similar yet still differently unique. It was... astonishing.

Once upon a time we fought and did not talk for one month...but finally, we knew that we could not live without each other. Eventually, we made up. Forgetting about the anger and disappointment for we knew our friendship was way stronger than that.

--

I knew her from that boring class. We sat next to each other and crazily made fun of our boring lecturer, while took our notes diligently. I did not know how we managed it, but we survived the class. We became inseparable ever since. It was like I met my match. She drove me crazy. She was weird, and we were weirdos. She was my shopping partner. We could be a bunch of hedonists yet we could control each other's craziness. Well, mostly I was the one who was in control because she was just so impulsive.

One day we misunderstood each other. We parted way for I did not know how long until we both realized that it was a stupid misunderstanding. I did not know how it was end but I did know that our friendship was so real; there was no way we kept ourselves from preserving the bond.

--

I knew him also from the start. Funnily, we formed our bond through Yahoo Messenger. Yes, we were that old. It was crazy that we talked very little on our first months of classes, but then became really closed through chit chat during the  holiday. And when we met again after the holiday, our friendship became real.

He was the wise one. He was the older brother I never had. He was my guardian. He was my adviser. He was always watching me and taking a very good care of me. He did not need words to express how he care for me. He was always there for me and her--and I knew, whatever situation or even decision( both good and bad) that I take, he would always be there to support me. For me, he was no longer my friend... he was my brother.

--

They were my rocks.
They were my real.
They were one of the best decisions that I made in my life.
They were my shoulder to cry on.

They were the 'time' and 'tape' who fix my broken heart.
They were the constant.
They were also my favorite mistakes.
They were my wings and grounds.

Yes, six years and still counting...