Not An Ambitious Traveler (5)

I thought it was time to end this blog post series. As cliche it might seem, I would end the story in Paris--like a Hollywood movie or something. There were a lot of thing that I wanted to document about Paris but I realized those stories were definitely not for public consumption. I hated that I was not anonymous enough to write freely about everything. At the end, our identity was the one that restricted our freedom.

When I arrived in the downtown, another city popped in my head. It was New York City. Ah, just like Amsterdam, but Paris was giving me stronger sense of the Big Apple--in European way of course. I could also assure you that it was not a city of love in the daylight.

The highlighted of Paris for me was when I met three amazing women.

The first one was the woman who determined to accompany me in Paris. She was the strongest of them all.

Long story short, we ended up helping each other. Two broken hearts women, walked hand in hand in the city of love that soon changed into city of friendship. I would always remember how we faced Eiffel Tower and both of us reacted in the exact same way: we cried for the broken dream we had about Paris with our loved ones.

On the first night upon her arrival, she was so stressed up with her thesis. Yeah, a broken heart and unfinished school project would never go pretty. Tell me about that. We spent our first night worked on her thesis--tried so hard to find a brand new motivation. It was a great night for me nonetheless, because I adored research and was no longer having any desire to explore touristy places.

I also would always remember the late night we spent in Champs Elysees avenue. We had been so stylish during the day, we ended up in our most comfortable outfit at night. Yes, while people were dressing so fancy, we only wore t-shirt, jacket, and legging with our running shoes without make up on. It was also the reason why we canceled our plan to hang out in a cafe--because underdressed was definitely an understatement that night.

Instead of going to the cafes, we finally ended up going to a drugstore. We planned to drink something at our apartment. She pointed out vodka in the refrigerator, I shrugged it off because for me, vodka was not an option. I did not aware what possessed me, but I walked to yogurt shelf because those delicious looking yogurt seemed so attractive. I took two bottles and strangely, she did the same.

You know what happened next? We sat in the bench near Arc de Triomphe and drank our yogurt. Yes, yogurt was definitely the best substitute beverage on a fabulous Friday night in Paris. We laughed about it out loud, it hurt. It was definitely a night to remember...

She healed me through a unique way: by taking care of her and helping her to hold her life together.

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In Paris, I also met my friend from Ann Arbor. She was the second woman that inspired me during this visit. She was the loveliest lady of them all.

One thing that I regretted during my stay in Ann Arbor was we never made it for a coffee. But well, we made it up in Paris. So fancy!

It was great meeting her again. She was so dear, I felt a pang of  sadness because I did not give myself a chance to spend time with her more before. Meeting her, brought a new perspective about my current state: hopeless, broken-hearted and feeling so useless. I would always remember how she held my hand and said, "You got more and more beautiful everytime I met you. It was like you are blooming. You are still young, please do not think too much about everything!"

After that, I felt that I could breath easier. It was not too late. There would be something better waiting for me after this impromptu escape.

She taught me to appreciate myself more. That it was okay to be not okay. That I was young! For god's sake I was still young but how could I felt that I had crazy amount of burden on my shoulder.

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On my last day in Paris, I met the third woman that I adored: she was the coolest of them all. She worked for an amazing international organization and I could not be more proud of her. She was also the one who intoxicated my brain to pursue higher degree in Europe. Oh and she also pushed me to learn French. Joy! Yes, I was being both sarcastic and serious about it.

Believe it or not, it was the first time we met but I felt like we were an old friend already. Talking with her was so addictive--we talked a lot, we regretted I could not stay longer. Well, I was pretty sure it would not be the last time I visited this city, though.

She showed me that we should work on what we want. We should not restrain ourselves to pursue our dreams and settle down just because others demand us to. She taught me so much and I learned that I should not be afraid to dream big because life had its own way to fulfill our dreams as long as we work hard for it.

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Despite of the unique experience, I have not seen my bestie in his hometown and atmosphere yet! I must go back one day. Moreover, I also have not fulfilled my promise to meet a wonderful and lovely lady from the North too. I have made a promise, so I intended to keep them because I knew how hurt it was when you were being lied to about promise. Human and their words--so unpredictable.

In the afternoon, I left Paris with a strange contentment and fulfillment... It was weird because everything that happened in Paris were beyond my expectation.

It was for the best though... Ah, life and its calculation! Always so surprising.

You, 2015, is and will always full of surprises for me!

Not An Ambitious Traveler (4)

If you asked me about Praha before, I would say that I was not curious about this city at all. It was always my best friend who wanted to visit Praha. But now, I would be lying if I had not built such special admiration for this lovely Eastern European city.

The way the golden hours shone upon Danube river...
The way my feet were half dancing when I explored those narrow streets and got lost willingly...
The way those serenity feeling warmly wrapped my heart...
The way Prague cellists touched my heart so deep with Falling Slowly melody...

I would always remember that time, right before I had to depart to Paris. I was sitting under the Charles Bridge. Eating my lunch on the side of the river while greedily devoured the view. How birds were flying freely... I was aware that this freedom that I possessed had strict limitation.

I wish I could stay there forever though. Stayed as a stranger, lived my life and wrote as much as I wanted. Took pictures and documented life. Forever be an adventurous wanderer.

I knew it was a dangerous wish, but I could not help my self from asking for much too much.

But then, as always, life could not give everything we want. At some point, we should do what we need to do, not what we want to do. Just like ourselves, there would always be the time where we ought to shut our heart down and let our brain ruled our steps.

Finally, I departed from Praha with an intense bittersweet feeling curled in my guts. I remember how I chuckled to myself when I left that amazing lunch spot. It was so ironic when I realized that Paris was no longer having the appealing effect on me. However, I could not miss this city for the world--for any reason. I needed to be there.

Nevertheless, please know this Praha, you are forever be the one which inspired and prepared me... To fight for myself. To not give up. To not be swallowed by my own misery. To be happy because of me. To forget the bitterness. To forgive. To embrace my feelings. To hope but not to expect. To accept what was not meant to be, and let it go. To remember the good memories and not letting bad memories jeopardized them.

Because of you... Now I smiled, and ready to go to the land where the famous Eiffel Tower proudly stood! Or so I thought.

Not An Ambitious Traveler (3)

Lets talk about Austria now! So after making a quick stop in Hannover, I flew to Vienna. I also met my other good friend there. The good thing was I still could sense tranquility radiated from her--the feeling that I always felt whenever she was around.

What I could narrate about Vienna, it was a very detail city. I thought I knew details from Bremen, but Vienna won it all. Started from St. Stephen Church. Every single centimeter of this church basically covered in fine detail art. It was like they did not want to miss any spot uncovered. Paintings. Statues. All blanketed in sophisticated and conservative art. It was full of beauties, since I was a big art admirer.

One sweet memory that I kept about this church was I lite a candle there. I did not know for how long I stared at the dancing little fire afterward. Nor, I knew what I wish for... all I did was watching it burned and tried hard not to cry. Funny how I just stood there and wished for nothing. Yet deep down, I knew God had uncovered what was best for me for this trip--even for my life.

There, in St. Stephen Church, I knew my heart and thought were already surrender bravely to the upcoming beautiful plan...

However, I had a small bad experience: pick-pocket. For those who liked to visit touristy place in Europe, please be super careful with your belongings because a lot of expert pick-pocket hunted after them. My money, for example, was almost ceased. Yes, even inside of the church, they were resilient. My tip was do not use a purse that was easily identify as your source of money. Use something smaller or less eye-catching. Fortunately, I caught him red handed and he flee immediately. I pitied him though, he could do way better than me. Come on, a crazy jobless girl who only brought no more than 20 Euro with her. It was definitely waste of time to steal from me. Other than that adrenaline rush experience, the day was ended perfectly in beautiful vineyard restaurant up in the hill.

As you had known, I did not like to act like a tourist (even when I was) including in this home of Mozart. My friend knew about it, so instead of taking me to other scenic place, she took me to her childhood life. We went to a theme park! At the beginning we only wanted to ride the Ferris Wheel and enjoyed Vienna from above, but the plan was expanded. We stayed after the ride and rode other crazy game. We chose a short yet one hella intense jet coaster.

She said we were walking upon her childhood memory: ate some Hungary langos--a delicious fried bread with garlic, then rode the said jet coaster before picked cotton candy as our comfort food in the end. It was fun but so exhausting. We finally ended the perfect Sunday by sitting in her very comfy sofa. The small talks were also so honest, I would forever cherish my time with her. It was so easy and calming at some point.

And then.... I went to Praha! Basically, the trip to Praha was so magical. Honestly it was a struggle to describe how perfect my solo trip to Praha was. Like any other solo trip, the best part was it was all about you and yourself only. No interruption. No need to ask permission from others. No need to be so considerate. You could go wherever your heart desired.

I arrived there before noon, I decided to take a nap before walked to the famous Charles Bridge.

Have you ever experienced visiting a new place and your eyes became so greedy that they wanted to capture every single view? Yes, Praha made my brain did that. Only in Praha I guess--no offense to other city that I already visited though. I could not lie to myself, it was so beautiful that Praha was rapidly climbing and proudly sitting on top of my list. Yes, I did not even think Paris would able to be it's rival (no offense again for Paris).

In Praha, the streets were so narrow--my kind of favorite thing about Europe because they were made to be walked upon by feet. There were also a lot of small cafes and people were so friendly. I would always remember sitting in the Charles Bridge while watching three passionate cellists played so beautifully they got me stunned. The moment was so personal... they were so inspiring. I did not know how many time I beat myself (until now) because I stopped myself from buying their CD back then. Well, the truth was it wast not me stopping myself but my pocket. I did not carry enough money to buy it. Ugh, me and my fear to bring cash with me.

Not An Ambitious Traveler (2)

And then I arrived in Amsterdam in the next day. A lusty city--some even called it as the new Babylon--as scary and crazy as it sounded, I kind of liked this city. I usually hated big and crowded cities. After living peacefully in Ann Arbor, I got a little addicted over small yet convenient town. Well, someday even when I ought to live in a big city, I hope I would get a quiet apartment or house though.

The highlight of the city was when I found the bench of my favorite movie: The Fault in Our Stars. Cheesy, right? I knew! Believe me I knew! While everyone else got excited over Anne Frank's house or other sightseeing places, I forced my friend to find this bloody bench. After walking for miles, whe found it! And gosh, it was so great to read "Some infinities are greater than other infinities" written in the bench.

I sat there alongside with several giggly girls waiting for me to move. Yes girls, I know I am not as young as you but I hella loved this movie too! So please excuse my fangirling moment!

After we left that place, I thought I wanted to have my own version of Gus too! Well, you could say that some wishes did come true immediately. I found him in the Dam Museum. Yes, Gus who played as a conductor of a fake orchestra or did a moon walk like a faux Michael Jackson. And yes, he performed in the great main hall of the Museum while everyone else were quietly reading all the explanations. He made me laugh so hard, I did not care anymore. Ah a fine day indeed! Too bad, I was too shy and he was too polite to really give that little moment a 'go'. But well, some memories were better be only a memory. Ah! And a rebound to be healed was never be my option.

Also in Amsterdam, I found a girl who experienced the same situation--a broken heart situation. I felt so lucky that I met her. Why? Because I could help her to heal herself while healing myself in the process. Maybe I was already healed but helping people did make you stronger and braver--for if it's possible, you would not let anyone suffered the way you did. If I could make her feel better with my experience then why should I stop there?

Oh boys. I hope they are growing up and starting to stop taking women (who happened to love them like a fool) for granted... Yes, we are often being taken for granted but then maybe that was why they were not with us, because we deserved to be treated way way way better than that.

Funny how love can change you... to be better or worse.

In this case, I chose to be better. Yes! I still love beautifully and forgive easily. The difference was I now knew my value more--no more measuring it by how much he cared about me. Oh come on! If he stops being so caring then it doesn't mean you are not good enough girl, it is just simply mean that he is not the one...for now or for ever.

We deserve to be queen for the worthy king, not even a prince charming. A king who willingly slays a dragon and happily combines his empire with ours. Yes, do not build an empire together! You must have your empire established first, that is why I call ourselves as queens not princesses. For we are no longer a kid. Chin up, woman!

Now you know why something was changing when I departed from Amsterdam. It was a huge deal... because I could feel how this place 'helped' me in a very unique way.

Should I label Netherlands as my favorite country in Europe?

Oh wait until I described Austria, Czech Republic and finally...France.

Not An Ambitious Traveler (1)

Europe. Never knew I would finally step on this continent. Guess you can never underestimate the power of dream and effort or in my case... impulsiveness. Started from falling for a quiet small city in Germany: Hannover. I met my lovely cousin (but I will refer her as my sister nonetheless) and lived with her and my brother in law for a week.

It felt so magical when I traveled and pretended to be a local there, rather than being a mere visitor--despite of the language barrier though. Somehow I wish this world only spoke one language. But well, every single mother tongue speaker would always want the same thing whenever they were being a non-native-speaker abroad.

In Hannover, I also met my friend from Ann Arbor. It was so unreal when he stood in front of my sister's apartment. It was also fascinating when I witnessed his life in his hometown. A life 'before' and maybe would soon to be 'after' Ann Arbor. Seeing him in his atmosphere--so glad that I had the chance to do that. Especially to feel the genuine welcome gesture vibrated around me when I was introduced to his dear friends. They even kind enough to overcome the language barrier. It made me feel like an insider--for that I forever felt grateful for. Yes, being an outsider because of language barrier was sucks. Trust me I had been 'trained' so hard to face that kind of situation.

After Germany, I continued my trip to a very familiar country called the Netherlands. I referred it as 'familiar' because of the  strong relation between Netherlands and Indonesia. I formerly did not want to visit this country. However, since the foundation of this trip was impulsiveness then I decided to visit my dear friend in Netherlands anyway. It turned out to be the funniest experience one!

I would always remember the gloomy weather that blanketed a city. A city called Leiden. A city where Edward Cullen should live (LOL) because sunny day was always count as a bonus.It was cloudy and soft showering almost everyday. The canals were so beautiful there nevertheless.

Leiden also kept many phenomenal histories. Started from the Einstein cafe--a cafe where Einstein found his famous E = mc2 formula. This lovely town was also the home of the oldest university in Netherlands--where a lot of Indonesian heroes and Dutch royals studied.

I also would always remember the night where I danced around with my good friend like no one was watching. It was just me and him and our favorite songs. In case you were wondering, they were XO by Beyonce and Santa Tell Me by Ariana Grande. It was sooooo much fun! We wish our close friends in Indonesia were joining us though.

Yes, a perfect dance in the middle of the night! Until we both happily collapsed in the end. Go go go Arians! Oh and he also the one who persuaded me to continue my second Master or even Phd there. Hmmm... interesting thought, wasn't it?

And there was Den Haag. A city that soon became my new obsession after DC. I think I always have a soft spot for governmental cities. They made me feel at ease and secure.

You know what epic? I also celebrated Indonesia 70th Independence Day there. Yes, we celebrated the freedom from Dutch Colonial in their own land. I knew it's been a while, and maybe we're already forgotten all of those black histories but well, one could not help herself but said 'In your face!' privately. Yes, I said it privately because we wouldn't want to upset them, would we?

Luckily, we also met a very generous and talk-active Madame. Her grandpa was a hero for our freedom. Hence, she took all the independence ceremony by heart. Oh I also wanted to share my a little about how I almost cried when I sang "Indonesia Raya"--it's been a while indeed. Ah Indonesia, whatever your flaws are, deep down I still wanted to be your game changer.

Going back to the kind Madame, She gave us a lot of lessons about being an international person. She criticized a lot about what was happening not only in Indonesia, but also in any other places. She was so smart and also married with a UN officer--yes, she had been living from country to country. She was also so humble, it amazed me. She spoke what she thought. I felt that there was no pretentiousness and falsity in her bones.

Further story about Den Haag: the governmental buildings were awesome. My friend told me even the Prime Minister was walking around in the parliament's yard and were so approachable. There was no tight security upheld in there--no sense of arrogance at all. You could walk around the palace's grounds without any scary security officers closed by. Yes, they got a lot of cameras here and there but please, it was more than okay to just walked around and took pictures.

Ah I thought it was the pleasure of living in a country where public officers were really realizing their truly place as public servants.