Just The Memory of Faces At Last

It was one hour and thirty one minutes before home. I honestly did not know what to feel. My thoughts were all over places. Maybe because the fact that I had not had any ‘after’ life that I looked forward to have. Yeah, I planned to travel but we never knew whether I would be. I would like to, but we’d see.

On my flight from Detroit to Seoul, I watched Cinderella (again) and Begin Again (again). I knew that I was weird. It was always like that with me. I prefer to watch movies that I like over and over again or watched something familiar.

Hmm... familiarity?

Maybe that was my problem. I was afraid that as soon as I stepped my feet in Jakarta, I did not feel the familiarity anymore. Yes, it took time for sure. But what if I lost it? To whom I would share my life in Ann Arbor with? But then... weren’t we all once a stranger?

Again, it was one hour and thirty one minutes before my plane landed in Jakarta when I realized that it was time to go back. I finally accepted it. The thought was funny though: you would adjust to your ‘previous’ life. You would be a ‘stranger’ in your familiarity. Nevertheless... it was real. Indonesia was real. Jakarta was real.

While Ann Arbor... what happened there was real but it was all temporary. But weren’t everything were temporary nevertheless? Then, why did I have to be so afraid? I had been through this situation once: the life after Jogjakarta. Then, why did I have to be so afraid now?

Maybe...

Maybe because there was no reminder of Ann Arbor in Jakarta. Once I stepped back in this megapolitan city, nothing could remind me of ‘The Tale of Ann Arbor’. Nothing could tie me down. Nothing could rule over me anymore. Nothing could trigger my roller coaster mood and energy. Nothing could make me cry suddenly. Nothing could give a small smile in my face. Nothing could hurt me the way places in Ann Arbor did. But then, I wondered again, wasn’t it a good thing? Because I did not have to put a lot of effort to forget? For life already erased them slowly for me.

I honestly did not have any answer for that.