Incapability

“When you forgive someone, the love of God will cover your heart and fill it with peace. After that, you will no longer have any capability to hate someone. You forgive and... you forget. You will no longer remember the way they hurt you. Even, it will feel like they never hurt you at all... That’s why forgiving is the hardest deed ever.”

There was one time when my Dad attended a Sunday service. He told me, during the mass, there was a lady shared her story about how his husband hurt her physically and tortured her mentally. But even then, every night in her prayer; she never prayed to God to take his life away by death and free her from his torture--but she prayed, despite of what he had done to her, she wanted God to fill her heart with His love. Hence, she would be able to endure the pain and forgiving her husband nonetheless, even when he tortured her.

Some would say that she was a fool. Some would judge her. I mean, she could just simply leave her husband. Remove him from her life and hate him completely. He deserved it though!

But then... she would abandon her marriage vow, wouldn't she? Her hatred would overcome her love and devotion for a marriage that was created once in her life time, wasn't it?

It was not her fault if she wanted to fight for what she believed and what she treasured.

When I heard the story, I cried so hard. I thought: how could God give human a capability to forgive like that. A capability that make your heart incapable to hate someone that hurt you so badly.

Well, maybe because He was there to help a willing human to love beyond hatred. To fathom their problem beyond the mess. To believe in Him beyond reality. To let Him help them beyond their logic.

I want to learn.

I want to learn... I want to learn how to be incapable to hate someone else. 

I want to learn how to forgive and forget.

I want to learn.

I do really want to learn...

And one day, I will succeed.