The Happiest Day

I wrote this piece on November 2011. It was a long time ago. I originally wrote it in Bahasa but today, I felt like translate it to English. Ah, David Foster and his inspiring song...

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I’ll be waiting for you here inside my heart

I’m the one who wants to love you more

You will see I can give you everything you need

Let me be the one to love you more…

                        To Love You More, David Foster

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I wore a very pretty white dress, it was cut neatly and beautifully. There was a small lavender purple bow around my waist, it was surely complimenting the dress. I put a minimalist make up on my face simply because I was not the spotlight tonight.

Slowly, I lifted up my chin and look straightly into the mirror and then I smiled. I was practicing my smile today, yeah, a practice for the big day. Today was a happy day. Of course, you ought to put a full display happy smile on happy days. Right? It happened to me today, and obviously I wanted to smile happily.

I stole a glance outside the curtain in my room. The weather was a little cloudy. I thought it would be raining soon. Well, I hoped it would not because it would ruin the pretty decoration on the backyard. It was so magical and ready to welcome the guests.

The atmosphere was so sacred, I nervously thought about that. Well, maybe I should take a walk and a tour around this big Victorian house. I sighed and wore my white strap heels. 

As soon as I was outside of the safe cocoon of my room, I ventured a long and carpeted hallway. It occurred to me that this house gave me a strange feeling. An indefinite one. Nevertheless, in my heart, I knew that I would never forget about this place forever.

“Charsa?” His voice stopped me on my track.

I turned around and there he was. He wore a white tux that showed off his firm body perfectly. His face was clean from any facial hair. it was funny since he hated shaving so much. But today he shaved anyway. How could he not? Today was an exception. It was impossible for him to present himself less than that.

“Why didn’t you wear your tie?” I asked him—throw a menacing look on his incomplete outfit.

“Well, that’s exactly my problem. You know that I don’t know how to wear ties.” He said sheepishly.

I laughed and approached him.

“Would you please help me?” He asked while entering his room and giving me a gesture to follow him.

His room was really wide with gray and white wall. I could smell his familiar perfume combined with his natural masculine scent. His king size bed was covered by a lot of stuff. I realized that even when we only stayed in this house temporarily, it would not able to cover up his true nature. His room always messy just like the one in his apartment. Now, I just hoped that his characters will never be washed away, even after this day had passed away.

“Where is the tie?” I asked him, confused.

Like always, he could read my confusion. He smile shyly, red handed on his messy nature. He walked through his closet and took the hung white tie. He gave the tie and I put them on, around his neck.

I tidied it up, tried to find the ideal position. I could feel his stare while I busied myself with his tie.

“So, do you think that I make a mistake today?” He asked me suddenly,

I was taken aback by his question. I stared at his dark brown eyes—silently demanded him to elaborate his point.

“In your opinion, did I do the right thing? What if today was a big mistake? What if my feeling for her was only a temporary one?”

I smiled and continued to put his tie on.

“Why do you think like that?” I asked him, more relax.

“Umm... I don’t know.” He answered softly.

I sighed after I have made his tie nicely, and brought my attention back to his now frowning face. He looked so lost...

“Do you love her?” I asked him.

“Yes...” He answered immediately.

“Does she love you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I felt that love is not enough somehow.”

I dragged myself away from him and stared through the wide window. From that window I could see the hustle and bustle outside. My brain was scattered all over the places, looking for the right and wise answer for his question.

“No one ever deemed that love is enough, but deep down I always believe that it was a strong foundation nonetheless. I think there was nothing fulfilling in this world. Time will always demand every single thing to improve and expand themselves, including our life and our feeling. 

However, even the highest and strongest skyscraper needs foundation. Expansion and improvement will be in vain without a firm foundation. That is why I believe that somehow love is enough to begin with. And today is only the beginning...”

We both stared at each other for I did not know how long, until I launched another question for him.

“How could you be here today? Do you have any reason why are you here now?”

“Well, I'm because I love her. I believe this feeling has to be validated by doing the right thing. I am sure that me being here is part of the legitimization,” he answered me. I could feel him behind me, not so far away. I always could feel him.

“Sometimes we have to be able to distinguish between love and desire of ownership. Love is enough while ownership tendency always demands for more.” I laughed bitterly. “At first, you said to yourself that you want to own her heart. And then the feeling was expanding with the desire to claim her as your girlfriend, fiancee, and wife. It would not stop there because after that you wanted to have children together and so on and so forth until death tore you both apart. Love is simple but on the contrary, ownership always demands more and more. You will never get enough. We should be able to distinguish them.”

I turned and facing him, his face looked so devastated. I felt a pang of guilt for I felt responsible that he was now feeling less than happy. Hey, today was a happy day! I even spent a lot of time in front of the mirror practicing my best smile for this day. I even would love to be seen happy today. I did not want to be left out. No.

Especially him. He had to be happy today! It was a must.

I approached him and held his face in my palms tenderly.

“You will be fine...” I said sincerely.

“How do you know?” He asked me—desperately need a true answer.

“Because I know that this decision will make you happy.”

“How can you be so sure?”

I let go of his face and answered him, “Because my heart says so...”

He stared at me, I could see the huge epiphany dawned to his face. He smiled and pulled me into his warm embrace. His warm enveloped me tightly. I closed my eyes, tried to give all my strength and positive energy to him.

He let go of me and said, “Let’s do this!”

And with that, he walked through the door without a second glance. Leaving me standing and watching his back while smiling.

When his door was closed and he disappeared from my sight, I allowed my tears to flow freely. It had been a long time since I prevented it and forced myself to erase the loss in my heart. But today, I after I watched his back disappeared from my sight... I realized that the elegy was there.

Not long time after that, I could hear Canon in D vaguely from the small orchestra downstairs. I ran fast to the window and peeked through the thin white curtain. I could see that he stood before the altar—a glass altar decorated with white and purple bow. That altar was the destination of the red carpet. A wise and commanding reverent was standing behind the altar and smiled encouragingly. He was ready to present the sacred ceremony.

I watched a woman with a long white dress walked down the aisle. Her face was covered by a white lace veil. There was a bucket of pink roses in his hand. The beautiful orchestra escorted her steps... one by one to be with him. Behind her was her bridesmaid. Once she was in the altar, he took her hands and smiled down at her lovingly.

“Love? My love for you was enough and I was the one who decide to love you more. I should be here to make sure that today is happening. Your happy day should be commenced no matter what...”

Slowly, I wiped my tears away and turned around. I soaked up the sight of his room, trying to memorize his scent before I gave up and walked back to my room. Once I entered my room, I was suffocated by the feeling of being alienated. And this house... was the vessel of my alienation.

Maybe because there was no place left for me in this house anymore.

Suddenly a realization hit me. I should be there! I should watched his happiness. I should not watch his happiness from afar. It was wrong! I should be the witness of his glee. And maybe... I could be a part of it. If I did really love him, I ought to be happy with him.

I flee out of my room—running to the backyard. Once I was there, I saw that everyone watched them exchanging the holy wedding vow sweetly. He said his vow whole lovingly stared at that woman.

I sat myself in the white wood chair in the back, near the aisle without taking my eyes off him. I memorized his happy and loving face carefully. Every details... I forced my brain to remember it.

“I now pronounce you as husband and wife...”

He kissed that woman... and I watched him. I watched his happiness.

Hand in hand they walked down the aisle. He was now a husband with his wife in his arms. Their steps were accompanied by the lovely music from the orchestra and glorious applause and whistles from the guests.

He was happy. Yes, he was happy.

I stood there, saw him got closer to me. I smiled when he was standing before me.

“Thank you for being the constant in my life, Charsa...” He said while squeezing my hand for several seconds before looking at his wife tenderly.

This was enough.

I watched his leaving once more, he radiated the happiness gesture—made me wanted to hold myself with glee.

Yes, this was enough.

Finally, I left the backyard and came back to the strange house. There were waiters and waitress alongside with the event organizer insider—busy to prepare the reception. I slowly blended with them and went straight to the stairs. Aimed for my room—one of those doors in the lonely hallway.

I could feel there was a strange feeling crept upon my heart. That feeling was so different with the feeling that I felt when I put his tie on.

I could feel that my heart was no longer empty, I was happy in my own way. I could be happy because I loved him sincerely and without any doubt and arrogance.

I entered my room, the second door on the left. I wore my leather jacket and took my packed brown luggage. I was ready to leave now because my duty to ensure his happiness was done.

Before I went out of the room, I caught my reflection in the mirror. For the first time since the invitation arrived at my flat, I finally smiled happily...sincerely.

It turned out my endless practice for this happy day—well, his happy day—was useless because I was now understand that only his happiness could make my happiness bloom.

Finally... we both were happy, even with a whole different reason.

I closed the door and walked away. Leaving him with his happiness while holding my happiness tightly in my hands...

~FIN~