He Wrote About Her

She walked through the night. She wanted to run real fast but she could not do that, she got her drunk friend in her arms. She held her really tight--ignoring the numb feeling in her heart. In the middle of the road, she hailed a cab--could no longer support her. She was really focused on her mission to get her best friend home.

Once they arrived in her best friend's house, she let her best friend emptied her stomach from the seven tequila shots in the bathroom. Patiently, she held her hair, and let her calmed her demanding stomach. After her best friend finished her fiesta in the toilet bowl, she prepared a chair near the sink. She wanted to washed her best friend's beautiful hair--did not want her hair tainted and got dirty by her own vomit.

She took care of her... fulfilling the need to take care of someone else so she could just ignore her own needs and pain. It was better this way--nursing someone so you forgot your own fresh wounds.

****

Somewhere, in a place where nobody knew where it was. He sat in His beautiful table. His right hand was now writing about her. He grimaced when He wrote about her day because on that day, He deemed that she deserved the truth. The truth that broke her heart severely. He knew it would hurt her so much, even the scar might remain for weeks, months, even years?

Nevertheless, He did it anyway.

Her story was already planned to go into 'that' direction.

He kept writing. He had not finished yet...not even close.

****

She walked through the airport, ready to leave everything behind. Yes, as dramatic as it sounded, the perfect term was 'everything'. She chuckled bitterly to herself. Once her friend told her to put her memories into several jars so when one was not working, she would not lose everything. Yet, her heart was too stubborn and her faith in him was blinding her sense.

As the result, here she was, walking slowly to her gate, greedily embracing the familiar atmosphere. Reminiscing like a moron. Hurting herself like a lunatic. Torturing her pride like a dummy.

Several months ago they were there. Several weeks ago he was there and in several days, he would be there again. And now, there she was, ready to leave.

One said that airport was the most emotionally terrifying place. It was the place of a proper hello and a proper goodbye. It was like a bank of affection and hatred. While in her case, she did not posses neither. All she had were the unclassified memories.

She knew somehow and someday she would come back to this airport again. Maybe there would be changes here and there. Maybe everything would be different--no, everything would certainly be different. When that time was coming, she was sure that she would soaked up all the memories in that airport with a dreamy smile, or even had the audacity to laugh at her old self--her current self.

But not today...

She could not bring herself to think about her situation that way.

When she arrived in the crowded gate, she glanced at her silent phone for hundred times that day. Her mom had been bombarded her with messages and calls--so did all her dear friends. But nothing came for him.

Several minutes before they announced her boarding, she called her provider to cut all her phone's service.

"Do you want me to deactivate it permanently, Ma'am?"

"Yes, please..."

And there. She did herself a favor--she freed herself from the torturing wait. She stood up, turned her phone off and entered the aircraft. When she was in the safety of her seat, she prayed that letting their story go would be as easy as crossing the gate's threshold. Secretly hopping that the threshold would restrain and bury the unclassified memories away. Separating and saving her from that familiar place.

A place where everything began sweetly and ended bitterly. Or so she thought...

****

He watched her. He let her processing all the pain He allowed her to feel. He wanted to feel the remorse inside but He knew better.

He knew way better than that.
He just wished she were strong enough to bear it longer, and survive.

Yes, He needed her to survive...

****

"Forget me!" She whispered sternly. Even the taste of her words were bitter in her tongue.
"No, I will never forget you..."

She was startled awake. The lights were dim inside the plane. She sighed... hating her usual nightmare and the fierce turbulence. She read in the screen that it was three hours away from home. Reluctantly, she raised from her couch. The plane was almost empty, she loved it. After 13 hours plane ride with a packed aircraft--where she had to cry silently and hid from all prying curious eyes--it was indeed a nice change. Slowly, she opened the window, watching the scarily empty pitch black sky.

She exhaled over and over again. Hopping the idea of going home would fulfill her emptiness.

She watched the dark sky--did not even realize what she caught and missed. She stared and stared and being less and less concern over the bad turbulence. Her eyes widened when she realized that she did not even fear the death at that moment. Maybe the pain was so bad, she just wanted it to go away. Not that she wanted to die, she just wanted it to stop effectively, immediately.

However, eventually she realized what she truly felt at the moment... it was nothing. She bowed her head, so the numb was back. She could not feel...again. It was like that day--the day of revelation.

She closed her eyes tightly and whispered desperately.

"God, how could I get here?"

****

He watched her.

It pained Him. It pained Him so much to see her that way. He really hoped she could see beyond all this mess. Yes, she had learned her lessons but He still waited for her to really fathom them. So, she would discover what His reasons really were one day.

There were days when He saw her smiled and laughed around her family and friends but He knew better. He smiled secretly, knowing that she would be fine at the end nonetheless. She was able because He already measured everything according to her capability. Deep down, He also knew that she needed this process. Everytime He saw how His plan seem to hurt her so bad, He kept reminding Himself that it was for her own good. He already planed everything perfectly... He even knew her heart better than herself.

However, there was one day where she was curled into a fetal position--mourning silently and quietly. She always referred her heart as a glass box. In the old days, she always believed that when someone broke her glass box, she would be the one who crawl and fix it, while He helped her through that painful process. In her head, He would put the bandage around her wounded hands. But she was always be the only fighter who fixed her broken glass box by herself, and He was the one who fueled her power and will.

But now... in her head, He could see how she pictured herself lying down near her shattered glass box. Her bloody hands were lifeless, and she just stared into space. Waiting for Him to strive for her... because she had no strength to struggle anymore. It felt like she was now handing over everything to Him. She surrendered because she did not have any energy left.

It was day like that when He wanted to take over her battlefield, but then it meant that He would fail Himself. He would ruin her greatest story. He would take away her chance to learn and grow, and it would be unfair for her.

He just loved her too much.

So, oh softly like a wind, He whispered to her, "We will process it together... I will always be there along the way."

He could see how she stopped sobbing for several seconds...and then sobbing harder. But this time He smiled, because He knew she was starting to get Him.

He would let her discover His plan layer by layer until she could fathom that He meant no harm. Until she understood that she was part of the bigger purpose. A purpose that He would reveal to her in His time.

****