S and Red and Her Tea Party

Her novel? Checked.
Her polished hot pink nails? Checked.
Her tea? Checked.

Her favorite mug? Hmm... checked.

She sighed through the whole afternoon. Seating while folding and unfolding her napkin. Strangely confuse whether she wanted to eat the cookie or not. Trying to calm her nerve and waiting nervously in her patio.

It had been a long week and now her friend insisted to pay her a visit. She did not know how to feel about it because lately she was just so content being alone. Nevertheless, she thought she might need that. Or maybe not? Well, we would see.

"Hey S! Hmm... everything are red! Don't tell me that it is a chai tea in your signature mug." M just entered her patio extravagantly, and already talked a lot--in S' opinion. She took it as a good sign, or maybe not, well, if she was trying to make her do something she did not want to do, then it was most definitely not a good sign. At all.

"Hey!" S finally stood up and gave her the warmest hug. Damn, she loved that girl anyway and yes, seeing her after days in her isolation place was a good change after all.

"Ummm what kind of tea that you want? I can make you some Darjeeling if you don't want Chai?" she tried to delay stuff with no luck, it was M we were talking about. No one could stop her when she was in a mission. And yes, she was definitely in a mission this afternoon.

M smiled and took both of her hands. She then made S sat in one of the pretty white chair while M, of course, took the closest chair near her--wanted to have the best seat as a good audience.

"So tell me..."

"About what?"

"About the tale! Of course, about the tale!"

"The tale of what?"

"The tale of your isolation place!"

....

"How does it feel?" M now stared at her while sipping her warm tea. She was trying to read what was on S' head. While S was kind of wondering why did she ask the obvious question anyway.

"What feeling?" She liked to play dumb. The best temporary weapon.

"Any feeling?" M just shrugged and waited almost impatiently.

"Well, I got so many feelings in my storage right now. But I will not tell you all of them because it was too personal. I don't think I wanna share too much about that, at least not tonight."

"Hmm... that is a tough question. Should I think about my own feeling? So maybe when you answer yours, I will get a reflection for my own heavy heart."

S chuckled when she heard her answer. This friend of hers was most definitely did not have any heavy heart. She was the sunshine and rainbow and colorful star. It was weird to picture her with a heavy heart, or was she?

"Are you okay?" whispered S while hiding half of her face in her favorite red cup--pretending to sip her now cold tea. She intended to avoid a feeling explosion scheme, if M was now really have that kind of heavy heart though.

"I'm fine, I am always fine. You know me but... tell me about the tale of being lost then!"

Her hand stopped in the mid air, S was staring at M while furrowed her forehead.

"Lost? You mean like a wanderer?"

"Yes!" M's eyes were lit up, waiting patiently upon her answer.

"Hmmm... Being lost? I think every human is always getting lost. I mean, you will stop being lost when you find your own peaceful place. Which is by being dead, I guess?"

"I don't think you really explain what's on your mind." M puckered her lips, upset by her friend's unsatisfying answer.

S smiled.

For nano seconds, the thought of him filled her brain Maybe she did need him to explain what lost was. Or maybe not. But she let him out nonetheless...

Only for several minutes until she finished this tale.

S calmed her soul and started talking about being lost.

"Lost? Imagine you were in a new place. It was so dark. But well, your eyes can still see a little bit only if you tried harder. But then, you are already tired of adjusting in the first place. By adjusting, I mean you shift your self from your old life to the new one. That is a crazy experience, you are drained, and naturally, of course, you did not want to work harder and put some more effort to be able to see in the dark.

Then, there was a light. Like a star, it was always there. Like a sun shines through the moon. That light just flickers a life in your heart. Makes you feel so calm, you do not want to leave. The light is your safe haven... You walk slowly with it. You survive because of it. You always want to stay with the light. You live your life also with the light. It was just in your current path and you are so grateful about it.

Suddenly, like a star, nothing lasts forever. It is gone. Leaving you in a darkness...again. A darkness that you almost forget about. A darkness that is so strange yet familiar at the same time. A darkness that swallows you without mercy and forces you to survive nevertheless. You. Alone. Without the light.

You walk through a dark hallway. Depending on the wall while you do not know what's in front of you. Ah... the wall is made from the river stone by the way. It is so sharp that it wounds your hand. But sadly, you cannot put your hands off the wall, so you need to bear it anyway.

You need to find a way out and your instinct tells you that the wall--the goddamn painful wall will lead you there. Then, you walked again... slowly you can ignore the pain. Your wounds are healed by themselves, and you keep moving.

However, it is not going to stop there. Your feet often stumbled and well, you also fell sometimes. There are time you just want to stay there, lying hopelessly. Or maybe just sitting there. Give up. Not moving. Pitying yourself. Or crying, well a girl is always crying anyway, wouldn't she?

But then, you ask yourself: what good comes from being stuck, crying and having a pity party in the dark while you know you are almost there? It is weird that your brain and heart are still being so optimistic and persistent.

It is so dark though, but you got up and started to walk again. Always following your heart, brain and instinct. You're just simply being a human.

However, now you ignore those annoying pebbles. You disregard the sharp shard in the wall. You neglect the pain. The more you put them aside, the less their power over you. Unconsciously, you appears to be stronger. You bear every agony patiently. You survive every miserableness with bravery. You are just simply moving.

You are lost but at least you are moving.

Yes, you don't know where to go.
Yes, you are still a wanderer.
Yes, you are also a survivor.

Yes, you don't have any light...or so you think.

You find...no, you create your own path and direction when you are moving though. You then start to think about your deviation. Are you still lost? Are you really really still lost? Or maybe you are just a true wanderer. A survivor? But, you are not lost anymore...are you?

No, you are not.

You are not lost anymore.

Being lost is not about loosing your way.

Being lost is about creating a new direction. But since it is a very novel one, you thought that you got lost while in fact, you were not. You are just moved into a new direction without the light, because life wants to tell you that in the dark--even in the darkest one, you can be your own light. Your own compass. Your own path if you keep moving. So no, you are not experiencing the feel of being lost... what you feel is only a transition phase, and all you need to do is adapt.

Adaptation. That is the key of being a wanderer...and a survivor."

M was stupefied by the tale. She then composed herself again and smiled.

"Yes?" S was back to earth after she told her Lost Tale to M inside her personal state of mind. S found M's reaction was rather strange.

M stood up, then tidying up her summer dress. Ready to leave.

"I need to go now."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I think you do not need me anymore..."

"What? Now, I'm confuse..." S followed M's gesture, really confuse with her friend's behavior.

M was smiling again then she caressed S' face softly.

"No, you are not confuse... At least not anymore."

With that statement, M went out from the patio and devoured by S' pretty meadow.

****